Never waste a minute of your precious life..

...by squandering it thinking about people you don't like"

I ran across this quote today and it seriously couldn't have been more perfect. I've been through a lot in life. More than some people even know, some things that most people wouldn't make it through. And now more than ever I fully believe that everything I go through happens for a reason. It's made me the person I am, it's making me the person I want to be. 

I've had a lot of people leave me in my life. I've had a lot of people abuse me- mentally, emotionally and even physically. I have a hard time letting go when situations like that occur. What always gets me the most are the "friends" that take advantage of you, treat you like crap and then want to turn it around like it's all your fault. 

Either way, I've learned a lot over the last year. Especially when it comes to people. It's amazing how much people will slander your name just to make themselves look "better". 

"When you stop lying about me, i'll stop telling the truth about you... " - Michael Douglas

Again... another quote that couldn't be more perfect. I dont have to lie or talk crap about anyone... it all comes out in the wash and people arent as stupid as you think... :) 

Chew on that for awhile. 

McKinleigh Renee - 3 months :)

Here's an update on M since it's been forever since i've blogged..... 

Here's a picture of her (2 months old) I did. 

And here's some of her at 3 months old Wendy took this past Sunday

Go ahead and be jealous... she's the cutest baby ever & her Aunt Winny is one helluva photographer. 

This is her gangsta face :) she's like her mommy, she doesn't take anyone's mess!

I absolutely love this one. I was talking to her when Wendy snapped this one. 

She's 3 months old now and I seriously can't believe how fast the time has flown by already. She's amazing. One of the best babies ever and I'm not saying that because she's my child. I hear it all the time from people about how sweet she is. I hear how beautiful she is and what a good baby all the time. Her smile and laugh make my whole day. She's the happiest little thing ever and THAT makes me one damn proud mama. Because I AM doing this all on my own. Sure I have help here and there from my mom and my friends but it's me. I'm working a full time job, busting my ass to try to make our lives better. I'm the one that gets up with her in the morning and anytime in the night. No one else does. She's the most amazing thing I have in life and i'm more than blessed that she's mine. 

She laughs and coos, she loves kicking her little legs and at 2 1/2 months old she rolled over for the first time from back to belly all on her own. She hates tummy time but I dont blame her ;) She's held her head up on her own from almost the time I brought her home. She sleeps throughout the night (most nights) and smiles more than any baby I know. <3 

One of those days.

Today, my BEAUTIFUL baby girl is a month old. It's insane how fast time flies by. It seems like just yesterday I was going into the hospital to have her. She is absolutely amazing.. and i'm not just saying that because she's mine. I'm saying it because she is. I love waking up and seeing her adorable little smile. I love hearing her little laugh. It's amazing to me how much she's already grown from that 6lb 3 oz little baby girl I brought home.

If I was a betting woman i'd say she's close to 8lbs now. She LOVES to eat, it's seems like she's always hungry and i'm always having to nurse her... but it's our special time. She is such a wiggle worm. That definitely doesn't surprise me though, she's been active from the beginning.. I was 13 weeks when I first felt her move if that tells you anything. Her hair is getting more red to it (YAY!). Her eyes are a light gray blue most the time & I can't wait to see what color they really turn. She loves bath time, just like her mommy does... and most of all she's a mama's girl. There is no other place she'd rather be then right near me. Her favorite place is laying on my chest; right near my hear.. and honestly there is no other place i'd rather her be.

Today has also been...rough? I guess that's the word to use for it. I wake up and spend my whole day with her. She's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. So I guess I don't understand how someone who can claim they want to be there for their daughter, isn't. I have my suspicions. I'm sure someone is leading him on to believe that it's because *I* want him back... maybe months ago I thought we could work things out and be a happy family that I've always wanted for my kids. I never wanted any child of mine to ever have the "dad" issues I had growing up as a child.. Maybe months ago I had the delusional dream that we could.. That was months ago. All i've wanted is for her to have a good relationship with him. So you say, well she's only a month old... she doesn't really know what's going on.

BULLSHIT.

Yep, to me that's complete and utter bullshit. She knows the difference. She knows who I am. She knows who my mom is and my sister. She even knows who her "Aunt Winny" is. And that's because those people are there, in her life. They (meaning my mom, sister and my friends) make an EFFORT to see her. To be there, to spend time with her. Just because she's a newborn doesn't mean there isnt the bond there. All I've wanted is for him to take the initiative to be her DAD... because there is a hell of a difference between someone who is a "father" and a "dad".

The more that time goes on the more I dread it.. If you're not going to be in her life, if you're not going to make her your number one priority.. then just let it go. Let US move on with our lives. Let me move on with my life and find someone who loves her like his own, cares about her and wants to be her dad.... I can't keep her from him, if he really wants to be in her life.. he can be and he will be. But all i'm saying is if you're going to call yourself "McKinleigh's dad" and claim her as yours.... ACT LIKE IT....

June 8th, 2011

I met the love of my life.

The absolute most gorgeous 6lb 3oz baby girl who has proven to me that even after every single thing i've been through in life, I am capable of believing in love. I never believed in "love at first sight"... until I held her for the first time.

Tuesday, June 7th - I started having contractions at around 8 AM, they were uncomfortable and pretty steady. I had my 40 week checkup that day at 1:45pm so I figured I would just wait till then and see what they said. As my appt neared the contractions got more intense to where I finally had my sister call the office and see if they could squeeze me in early if possible. We showed up and waited for the Dr. My Dr I had seen throughout the whole time was out of the office and I was seen by a partner of his. He told me my cervix was soft but that I hadn't dilated any. He gave me a perscription for ambien to help me sleep that night and sent me home to contract it out some. I got home, sat in the tub for awhile, paced, laid down, stood up, wallered around until finally around 5PM I absolutely had all I could take of the pain. Mama brought me up to the hospital and we went through the ER.

They bring me to L&D and set me up in a room, they monitor me and obviously my contractions were getting intense, extremely intense as time went on. I was only a centimeter when they checked me. My nurse at the time Beth told me it was likely I would be sent home because I wasnt dilated very much. I almost had a fit. I told her I needed to stay, I couldn't go home. Dr Vasquez called my Dr. (Dr. Dueno) & he was told to admit me and keep me. I LOVED Beth & Dr. Dueno for that. I was given meds to take the edge off, they helped some but I was in pain and labored all night.

The next morning (the 8th) around 4 AM, Dr Vasquez and a nurse come in, wake me up- they break my water, hook me up to pitocin and order my epidural, I was 2-3cm. When my water was broke there was meconium. Because I was overdue they said she'd already passed a bowel movement. You hear about that and you know it's bad for the baby. Here I was drugged up and confused, thinking something could be wrong with her, I was upset. Thank goodness for my amazing bff, she had my nurse Shay (who was absolutely amazing) explain everything to me and calm me down :)  

I give all kinds of credit and props to women who go through labor without the drugs, me.. I couldnt do it. My contractions were so intense my body wouldnt let me catch a break. The first time they checked me I was at 3-4 centimeters, time passed I slept some.. a few hours go by and i'm at 7 cm. They told me it as probably going to take a little while till I was full 10. Not even twenty mins later I kept feeling this immense feeling of pressure. Probably the funniest thing I said the entire time was when I looked at Wendy & Ashly and said "my butt hurts and it's not from Tacos"... total inside joke. I told Shay that my right buttcheek felt like it was on fire. She checked me again and I was 9 and 3/4, my next contraction I was 10.

She asked if I wanted to start pushing and I did. We pushed until I was crowning then called Dr. Gerrard and the NICU team in. After 15, yes just 15 minutes of pushing at 1:59 PM - McKinleigh Renee Bridges weighing 6lbs 3 oz and 18 1/2 inches long was born. They cut her cord and the NICU team took her to the warmer and checked her out. I heard her cry and bawled... It was like an immense damn of emotions just burst and I couldn't hold it back any longer. When she was all cleaned and bundled up they brought her over to me to finally see her. I cried, even more. She was beautiful, breathtaking and mine <3.

The NICU Nurses

Nurse Shay <3

One day old :)

Just a few from my Maternity Shoot.

We finally were able to do my Maternity Pictures! I'm posting a few of them but it's hard to pick a favorite! They all turned out so good!!

Seriously- if you live in the area look up Wendolyn Wells Photography, I'm not just saying it because she's a dear friend of mine, she's beyond talented... HELLO there's your proof!! <3

Time is flying...

Give or take.. in less than a month, I will be a mother. A mother at 22. A single mother at the age of 22.

The thought paralyzes me at times. Knowing that *I* will be the one that will mainly be in charge of ALL of her needs. She's my full responsibility. I've always dreamed of being a mom, for as long as I can remember. Friends tell me all the time I have that natural mothering instinct, I was always the "mom" out of my friends. I looked out for everyone, nursed them when they were sick, was the shoulder for them to cry on, etc.

But it still doesn't prepare me for the reality that she's really coming. She's really MY daughter and she's going to rely on me for everything. I'm nervous and i'm scared... more like terrified, i'll admit it but I already know that no matter what SHE will always be my number one priority. From the moment I saw her on the U/S my total mindset was about her, what will be best for her, what I have to do for her. I've heard that the feeling and love just intensifies when you first lay eyes on them. As anxious and nervous as I am about it all, I'm absolutely excited. I'm excited to FINALLY meet her. To see what she looks like and whose features she'll have. Will she have my haircolor and eyes? What about my nose or his lips?

I love her already to a million pieces... I'm blessed with some amazing friends and family who have supported me through all of this. I can't wait... Here's to the next 25 days (give or take) till Little Miss McKinleigh Renee Bridges' debut <3

Life is good today

It's been awhile since i've posted anything.. for awhile I just got tired of blogging. Seemed to hit a slump, then life got crazy. Super crazy with work and drama. Ohhh the drama. It seems sometimes no matter how adult you try to be about a situation and handle it, drama always seems to follow. So life has had it's up's and down's the past few months but i'm happy, i'm healthy and i've got a whole lot of amazing to look forward to here in the next couple months. 

Throughout it all I have to say that I have met the most amazing person that has been one of the biggest cheerleaders, pillar of support and friends I could ever have. Wendy Wells.. I feel like she's a big sister to me. There isnt a day that goes by that we don't text or call each other... even if its something so random and stupid. I love her to pieces. Not only is she an amazing person but she is beyond talented behind a camera. I hope to one day have the knowledge about photography she has. Here's a picture she took of me at 7 months in the OG parking lot.... you wouldn't have guessed that's where we were, would you?

Here in the next month we're going to get together to do my maternity pictures! I absolutely CAN NOT wait to see the ideas she has come to life. I was born in South Carolina and still love the area immensely. It's absolutely gorgeous and have wanted to do my pictures in the Beaufort area for awhile. I'm also quite the history nerd. Years ago when I was little we visted this place called the Old Sheldon Church Ruins. It's an absolutely gorgeous place with some amazing history and I can't wait to do them there! We've got so many awesome ideas and plans in the works for them, they HAVE to be amazing.

Here's a link to some pictures and history!

http://www.sciway.net/sc-photos/beaufort-county/old-sheldon-church.html

I hit 8 months on FRIDAY! Mckinleigh is doing good, her heartbeat is strong and averaging at about 145bpm now. She's super active like always and quite the kicking fool. She's strong. I've have a few good kicks that have almost put me on my knees. I have gained 15lbs so far. My Dr is awesome, I love him and he says i'm literally a model poster patient for pregnancy. All my tests have come back normal and he doesn't expect any problems. I'm working a new job that I absolutely love and the difference it has already made is amazing. My baby shower is in just a couple weeks (April 30th, ladies! some of you should have invites already!). Speaking of my baby shower i'm absolutely ESTATIC that my two good friends Jess and Sherree are coming for it. Sherree is flying in all the way from Cali and Jess is driving down from Tenn to spend the weekend. Can you say amazing friends or what!? I can't wait to see them both, it's been way too long.  I'm looking forward to seeing everybody that i've invited at it. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate the amazing people in my life. I'm reminded almost daily how blessed I am. So today I can really say with a smile on my face that life is good... extremely good. I'm happy and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Happiness shouldn't be reliant on another; true happiness comes from yourself. From accepting what life throws at you and making the best of it."

Baby this, Baby that.

I'm not one to obsess and plan down to the very last detail, i've learned in my past 22 years of life that there are just some things you can't always control. When it comes to something big though... say a baby having more of a plan or an idea about it all helps. Here lately i've tried getting everything figured out. How i'm going to do this, what will the theme for the baby be, Names.. ohhh yeah.. names....

So the other week I was looking online at cribs and honestly started to feel completely overwhelmed. I know all of this is going to end up resting on my shoulders. Every crib I liked was just a ridiculous amount of money. So my sister suggested I just start looking on craigslist. That's where she got my nieces crib. So I did and for a couple days there was nothing worth the money they wanted, UNTIL I found it. It was a Jenny Lind white convertible crib WITH the mattress for $45. I quickly emailed the girl praying it wasnt already snatched up. We corresponded back and forth and i'm happy to say that crib is now in my room waiting to be set up. :)

I don't know the sex of the baby yet but i've never been one of those extremely girly girls. I'm pretty low maintence and since i've found out I'm pregnant i've honestly had this feeling that the baby is a boy. So i've been thinking of themes for the baby. Even if the baby IS a girl I don't want a ton of pink and frilly frou frou stuff. While looking online I found the cutest bedding set that could work for either a boy OR girl :)

And now for names...  I've decided if the baby is a girl she'll be Mckinleigh Renee. <3 As for a boy i'm having a harder time pinning something down I'm set on. I really like the name Colin but I change my mind every other day.

No matter what i'm always going to do what is best for MY child :)